Yippie-Ky-Yay

I love movies. And I looove summer movies. Noah likes to tease me because I would rather see Eddie Murphy in a fat suit rather than some stupid waitress (sorry, Nathan Fillion), but he's right. Don't get me wrong. I like the smaller films. They're often wonderfully acted with great stories. They can be darker, more dramatic, and funnier than most of the stuff thrown at us by the big studios. And yet...I looove summer movies. I just saw Live Free Or Die Hard and it was great. Go ahead and laugh. The very idea that Bruce Willis dons the scrapes and scars of the indestructible Everyman John McClane in a 4th installment of the action franchise is ludicrous. And yet...I thought it was great. It's exactly what I want from a summer movie. I didn't have to think about the story or feel emotion for the characters. I just sat there and let it blow up in front of me. And it did. A lot. And it was an absolute blast. I'll save the period pieces and character studies for November and December. I mean really. Would you rather watch a fat man talk about health care or see robots in disguise?

Mitt Romney Criticized For Strapping Dog to Car

Poor thing. Put her out of her misery.

Real story is HERE

Is Courtney Thorne-Smith The Luckiest Bitch in the World?

This shit-pile above was renewed for another season. And it got me to thinking about the career of Ms. Courtney Thorne-Smith. She has the talent of a soap rag (a dirty one at that). And she keeps landing parts on these long-running shows.

According to imdb.com, she has been in:

-Melrose Place (150+ epidsodes)

-Ally McBeal (60+ episodes)

-the above shit-sammy (140+ episodes)

Three shows is syndication. Are you f'ing kidding me? And she isn't even 40 yet? Yikes.

It Looks Like Clay Aiken Is Going Thru the Change

Seriously -- when did Clay become an "F2M?" Those whiskers look fake. Get it together, man. I mean, woman. Oh, I don't know what it is.

Thank you, David J, for this pic.

Noah got his hair straightened for Pride!

this might be completely obvious...

but isn't Anne Heche just a poor man's Sharon Stone?

Fag-opolis

Beyonce went all Fritz Lang on our asses. Taking the robot Maria from Metropolis:



And skanking her up and adding a 10,000 dollar white-woman-hair weave:



Kylie did it a couple years ago, with hilarious and sexy results in her Fever tour (it takes a while-- 2:20 in)



And let us not forget the most bat-shit crazy version of this trend with this:



This is such a throw away song, but it really gets my blood pumping.

Pics from the Chicago Pride Parade 2007

Rob's Type-2 Diabetes Kicks In.

More like Butt-Pirates. Is that Charlotte Rae in the back?

I made some friends.

Where's McDreamy? McSteamy? The Asian One?

Noah gets in on the parade action.

Chicago's Own MISS FOOZIE

I always find Sharon Stone's performances hypnotic

Lets up the ante by sticking her in a really bad fat suit. You can't look away.



You can tell that one of her notes from the director is to over-do the facial expressions so that it would read under the piles of latex. I want a shot for shot remake of the Basic Instinct movies made with Sharon in a fat suit.

[One D at a Time]

The Lady Knows Her Bizness

As dicktated to me following a light lunch of chicken and waffles...

From the subtle sunrise
When she awakens from slumbers sweet kiss
To the mellow moonfall
When she drifts deeply into dreams abyss
The Lady knows her bizness

Watch her smile and wave
To those who support her historic rise
While her face says nothing
To the dark and doomed who hope her dream dies
The Lady knows her bizness

Her vagina is tight
It lies about age and the places seen
Her pussy has been there
And despite the world it has remained clean
The Lady knows her bizness

A cock or two indeed
Have penetrated leaving creamy bliss
But failure to mention
The hot scissoring sure would be remiss
The Lady knows her bizness

Lez be honest and true
There’s nothing to fear when there’s Hope to Float
With all her ball busting
And her box munching this Ho gets my vote
The Lady Knows Her Bizness

Mariah pre-Glitter. Selling coffee and Playstations in Japan.

From Kotaku. About a year before she went coo-coo.



woo!

Barefoot Confessa part 5

Miguel, still sitting on his hot gooey throne wiggled his Melting Pot 31x34s down to his knees and revealed his impressive manhood through his 2xst y-back thong. Only Ina knew his secret. Miguel had made millions by tricking rich East Hampton women that he was gay and overcharging his clients for his centerpieces. It was hard living the lie at first, but he soon got used to wearing thongs.



Still bent over and facing her oven she peered between the small space between her legs and caught a glimpse of his enormous latino beef snake."Man, I feel like a woman" she said breathlessly. Ina's slacks slipped over her ankles. She loudly shuffled her kitten heals over the cream colored ceramic tiles and moved slowly ass-first towards Miguel's engorged meat monster. I mean geeze, that thing is huge. Her heart raced, and by now the awkward moment with TR earlier was a distant memory and now replaced with a slight aching in her left lower abdominal area, which in all fairness might've been that tub of Green Goddess dressing that went slightly off but had for breakfast anyway.

"Boooop. Booooop. Booooooop" Ina said, sounding like a backing up Whole Food's delivery truck hoisting its sumptuous payload into a loading dock.

Miguel giggled coyly like a nervous geisha on payday. Ina always knew how to get him to laugh. And oh how he laughed. All hard and junk.

Just then, the unmistakable sound of a Saab 9000 convertable parking in the cobblestone driveway.

"Jeffery!" they both shrieked.

Barefoot Confessa part 4

With a gutteral moan she pulled her shirt apart bursting the buttons on her pressed button-down revealing an identical navy pressed button-down which she burst apart with an even more intense gutteral moan. Her womanhood now freed from the confines of the custom made long sleeve polo swayed and jiggled like an aspic covered vegetable terrien on a banana hammock. She stared at Miguel with an intensity she usually reserved a good unsalted butter. God damn she loves butter.
Without losing eye contact she slowly dipped her hamhands into the Outragous Brownie batter mix and smeared it all over her milky-white milkmakers. An ample pantry, indeed.

"Momma made a mess" Miguel said.

Ina, putting one sausage-like index finger to her pouty bottom lip flatly replied "How embarrasing".



Miguel, like a lynx in heat, bounded over the counter and landed ass first into a hot plum cake tatin. The carmel burned his sensitive man-ass, but he never felt so...so alive.

"Momma made you a big bowl of lemon fusilli with arugila, how bad could that be?... if you know what I mean."

Miguel grinned widely. He knew. Oh good Jesus above, how he knew.

Ina turned around from Miguel and faced her giant double capacity convenction oven. Slowly pulled her elastic slacks down to her knees, bunching over her red kitten heals.

I think you sat in some of your batter". Miguel smirked.

"That's not batter" Ina peered over her left shoulder with a wink.

Miguel licked his chops in anticipation.

hairdresser

Barefoot Confessa part 3

She quickly stripped her button down shirt, put it straight into a silver flip top garbage can, and put on an identical pressed navy button down shirt. She moved quickly as she possibly could to the back garden.

20 minutes later when she got to the back garden there was Miguel, visibly shaking . She stood face to face with him. It felt like minutes of silence before he said anything.

He whispered, "I'm not here to make you a tablescape-" Before he could go on he felt the cold hard sting of the back of her hand across his face. Her wedding ring left a deep cut in the side of his cheek. "You know that word drives me crazy." She pointed with her impeccably manicured (nude translucent polish-- Jeffery's favorite color) index finger with every syllable.


Inside the kitchen the oven timer sounded.

"Miguel, look. Lets just go inside. I've got two plumb cake tatins baking. And I'm about to start today's batch of Outrageous Brownies. So lets not fuck around, 'aight?". She then smiled and caressed his uncut cheek.

"There, there. I wouldn't hurtchya. Now follow me inside"

Inside she watched her three types of good imported chocolate melt slowly over a double boiler. She loves melting chocolate, making it succumb to the heat and the paddle, watching the butter slowly incorperate. It makes her feel, in control. "Ina.... Ina!", Miguel broke her from her revere. "I need to tell you.... that... " She lifted one eybrow as she combined the other ingredients.

"The coffee, miguel, the instant coffee I add gives this a real depth of
flavor."

"Ina this is important", Miguel pleaded. She continued, not looking
up, to add the dry ingredients spilling the mixture on the imported green marble counter Jeffery found in Italy on one of his many business trips. "You know what is important Miguel?" To give your 11x17 pan a rap against the counter it gets rid of the air bubbles".

"This is about Jeffery... " Ina rapped the pan so hard when she heard his name, batter flipped onto her shirt. "NOW LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!", she shrieked.

"Ina... no ... please Ina.. you need to calm down."

But, she couldn't.

Barefoot Confessa part 2 [Chargenda]

“Ina, why can’t I find a guy just like you?” TR had asked her.

“That’s so sweet TR.” Ina said as she licked the cake batter out of a bowl. “There are plenty of guys out there. But, really, there isn’t anyone?”

“Well, there is someone…” TR said and his voice just trailed off.

“Who?”

“Forget about it.” TR said.

As Ina hung up the phone from the conversation, Ina had a funny feeling in the pit of the stomach, but she wrote it off being due to the large plate of shrimp cocktail with her homemade cocktail sauce that she had earlier. She walked through her empty house, missing Jeffrey as she always did during the week



She decided to give him a call and check in on him. But, she got a busy single. Oh well, he would be home later that night.

Ina walked into her large walk-in closet full of pressed muted colored button-down shirts, collars already popped, and as she reached for one of the oversized shirts, she heard a loud noise from outside in the garden.

Barefoot Confessa

Chargenda and I are writinga novella about Ina Garten. Here is the first part and we'll keep posting it until we get bored or stuck or something.

So, without further ado, the first installment of Barefoot Confessa.



It was another typical East Hampton day. Ina stared out towards the
ocean, a warm breeze flowing through her Vidal Sassoon bob and her
popped collar on her (now sandy, wrinkled, and blood stained) navy
button-down caressed her ear lobe. She wasn't sure how long she has
been on the beach. She stared down at the sand and noticed TR's
square-toe Berluti remained half buried. "Shame to do this to such a
good shoe" she thought to herself and covered the rest of it with sand
and an overturned Chinese carry out box.
The sirens started to be more and more audible in the morning air.
"They'll be here soon", she muttered. She slowly removed her .40mm
from her beach tote.

To think that something simple, like surprising Jeffery with chopped
liver in good silver bowl would lead to all this. It was just two
days before her big beach party. Like school girls, she and TR were
gabbing on the phone, as they always do, every Friday.

I Know Why The Caged Bird Queefs

this is Rob Lindley's take on the photo?

What do you think she is telling her?

Kate and

This is ALLI -- the new Diet pill approved by the FDA. I think it is pronounced like ally, but I want to have fun with it anyway.

So don't let your thunder-thighs get you down -- take (kate &) Alli.

Mr. Wizard is dead.

Gaygamer.net just had a post about this. Sad. I watched the Nickelodeon version all the time. 'Member when he vacuumed the marshmallows? Or that one time he smashed the liquid nitrogen frozen objects?

What is your favorite Mr. Wizard moment? And, because this is Boomtacular, make it as ridiculous and dirty as possible.

Thurbert Baker

He's the prick who appealed a judge's order in Georgia to release Genarlow Wilson who already served 2 years for having consensual oral sex when he was 17. He might have to stay 8 more years for getting a hummer.

Email the jerk-- thurbert.baker@law.state.ga.us

Do You Wanna Ride in my Mercedes, Boy?

Kitty Litter Cake

I used this for album art over at PNSexplosion for the past few episodes.



Its actually a cake! Here is the recipe for Kitty Litter Cake. The "poop" is melted tootsie rolls. I love the attention to detail with the poop on the side of the box.

Scissor Me Timbers

Thanks to Todd for the short clip from South Park. Brills!

Do(uche) it all with the new iPhone!

What would YOU use the new iPhone for?

Devin dyed his hair blonde!

He ate an Ina Garten Outrageous Brownie mixed with half a tub of ben and Jerry's chocolate brownie ice cream last night after we had a steak dinner. No joke. His metabolism is like a freakin' humming bird.

She's Delightful, Delicious, and D-Listed!

I just love Kathy Griffin so much! Her new comedy special "Everybody Can Suck It" premiered tonight on Bravo and was followed by the Season Three premiere of "My Life On The D-List". She is so funny my fupa hurts. Seriously. I think I need stitches.

What Percentage of the Profits Will She Have to Give to Xenu for this Shit Sammy

I saw an ad for this crap fest the other night and thought: "How in the hell does she get work?"

Here is a pic of her from the movie:

If you can't tell from the title, she plays a writer. And by the looks of this shot, it is real hard and junk. I see a lot of Emmy's (the plus-size model) coming her way for this trainwreck.

GET IN SHAPE GIRL!!!

What songs do you suppose are on the accompanying cassette?

Barack Attempts To Bitch Slap Hillary

and fails. these debates are getting ruff.

I'm Gay Gamer of the Week!

Check it, over at GayGamer.

I can't hide the truth anymore... I play video games.

Hillary Falls For the "Pull My Finger" Bit Again

Did anyone watch the debates last night? I missed them, but was told it all ended in a huge crystal-meth induced orgy. That had to be good for ratings.

Another Cute zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Awwww, Big Beefer sleeping on tall daddy. Should we step up our homo still series and post something a tad dirtier?

You Call That Beef Wellington?

I think there is something so sexy about Chef Gordon Ramsay. I'm looking forward to the new season of Hell's Kitchen. It always makes me laugh when he reduces aspiring chefs to tears.

seepy seeps tie-tie red for nie-nie

Li'l Dahlia taking a nap on Devee.

Cameltoe