Saturday, September 30, 2006

Did you guys know that Asslee is starring in Chicago in London?

PNS is thrilled that she is getting good reviews too. Seriously, nice work Ash!

*Scott, Noah, and Pat nod knowingly to each other and golf clap*

Friday, September 29, 2006

"Yeehaw! Is this Skymall!?"

"I ordered 12 bails of hay... OOOOH WEEE!!!" *picks caraway seed out of teeth*

4th Annual "I've Seen Better Days" Award

Is this David Gest in drag?

Ty-Ty Banks Has New Contestants From "America's Next Top Model" on Her Talk Show

My money is on the one next to Tyra. She is rocking that short haircut.

Slut Baby® Starts Her Own T-Shirt Business

Good Luck With This Business Venture!
Thanks Rob for letting us know about Slut Baby's new business.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

I'm so over...


I'm ordering all gays to not purchase any more of your music until you quit acting up like a 14 year old.

One of her songs on the new CD (U + Ur Hand... the Prince spelling: boge) is about how drunk guys who hit on her can all, like, f off. That's all well and good, but did you ever think that maybe the guys made a bet about you being a dyke?
She really just bugs me right now.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Even My Rascal Thinks You're Straight

I stole this pic from DListed. It is sooo ridiculous. And not cuz of the girl in the wheelchair - which is usually where I would take the joke. But cuz of Clay. He is so yucky poos.

I could give a rats-ass if he comes out or not. I am so tie-tie of his PR people's spin of him as great guy.

Look at his hand in this photo -- what is he doing?

Oh God, Nonesy Is Losing It Again and Junk

Go here for the article about her recent foray into koo-koo. On a side note, I love this look. It is so practical for bailing hay. And emptying the animals' slop buckets. And for a barnyard porn.

Enough, Nonesy. Enough!

It is so hard to be a celebrity...

Looks like someone got a photo of me on the train today.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

God, I Love Skits With Whits

Jessica Simpson Turns Ree Ree in Back of Limo

Shortly after this shot was taken, she made Ashlee take her to McDonald's.

I Can See Scissoring In Her Future

This may be old news for some. But not for me.

Go here for the story.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

You Have to be F'ing Kidding

Licorice Pirate brought these to my attention. Ms. Rachael Ray Ray has albums. I don't think she sings on them. She just is endorsing them. I think.

Whatever, it is -- it is kind of ree ree. She can have 97 shows on Food Network, a daytime talk show, cookbooks, a magazine, a line of cookwear, etc.

But not music albums. What's next -- Paula Dean's Hard Core Rap CD? Emeril Sings Ska? That Semi-Home Cooked Bitch Scatting (oh, and releasing an album).

Saturday, September 23, 2006

3rd Annual "I've Seen Better Days Award" Goes To...

Sylvester Stallone

I Got Some Weapons That Will Mess Up the Hezbollah

* THIS JUST IN * Paula Deen has turned into a stick of butter

Thursday, September 21, 2006


Thanks to Rob and Teri in Toronto for this one.

Patrick, 'member our last trip to Omaha? That was funzies!

Vote for This Week's Scariest Set of Twins

Whose Bref Smells Worse?

Dionne's or Whitney's?

The Other Sister

I tried posting this yesterday but I could not get into Blogger. Oh well.

This is Teri Schiavo's Twin Sister -- Sheri. I liked to put that on life support. Honk!

Thanks to Rob Lindley for the shot.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

I'm posting this from the Apple store

My iBook got real sadzies yesterday and decided to not work anymore. The hard drive is dunzo. Luckily its still under applecare so that's good (with 44 days to spare...close one). I hope they are able to recover all my fart mp3s.

I shant be posting much over these sad times, but I'll be back in like 3 days though with my Procare n' shit, what what!

I'll Take the Betty White

This is hilar! If I didn't know better, I would think that the Anders came up with this graphic, but it's downright for realz.

Here is the e-newsletter that comes along with it (sent to someone in my office):


Granted, the drapes match the rug. But the color scheme just ain’t working — maybe because the whole matchy-matchy look is so last season. (Apologies, LiLo.)

Time to refurbish your special no-no place with a jazzy fall color: Put your triangle’s tresses in the capable hands of Betty, the first dye created especially for your down-there hair. The easy-to-use formula is safe enough for your sensitive lady place. And if your orchid is wilting, fear not — Betty easily covers grays.

Decorate your fuzzy éclair with a variety of icings, like subtle auburn, blonde, brown, and black. Not enough options (or unsettling euphemisms) for ya? Feather your nest with FunBetty, an oh-no-she-didn’t pink. The dripless formula guarantees that no dye will sully your pee-pee’s teepee, and your new plumage is more than certain to attract plenty of male attention.

So go on and wash that man right into your hair.


Patrick, are you doing freelance writing behind our back?

Click on the photo above to go to the site.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Fatwah Time

Remember when PNS used to issue Fatwah's on celebrities. I am reinstating these and I am sending one out to La Lohan.

C'mon, America, Europe, and Australia -- enough press about this girl. Dehydration, missing (family)jewels, and broken wrists. She needs to go. I am bored by her antics.

Despite her party-girl behavior, she always gets compliments for being talented. And I fail to see that. So she was great in Mean Girls. A chimp would have been great too cuz Tina Fey wrote a kick-ass script. And she was fine in Freaky Friday, but Jamie Lee Curtis and her Kleinfelter's carried that one.

So what are we left with -- Herbie: Fully Loaded, Confessions of a Drama Queen, or that one movie with Luck in the title.

She is starting her trip down Tara Reid Lane. Let's end it before it gets real ugly.

Go Get Her Jerry the Jihad.

Did You Know That Deidre Hall Had a Twin?

I saw her on Access Hollywood last night. She always catches me off-guard when I see her cuz she doesn't look real. I don't know if it is all of her cosmetic surgery or just that she always looks a little possessed.

Since she was on the brain, I thought I would post a pic of her. And I found the shot above. I thought it was something from Days of Our Lives. You know how these characters always have evil twins and junk.

But this is Deidre's real twin sister. They both look like they are trying to hypnotize us - especially her sister (the one in the track suit jacket).

Win a Feast of Fools pin!!

This week's question: What was my major at Michigan State?

Friday, September 15, 2006

I Have Had This Jingle in My Head All Day

Rose and Dorothy enter a Miami jingle contest and this is the end result. It is cheesy and so delightful. Love it when all four gather round the paino.


This pic makes me want to go and get a Mud Slide and a combo platter.

I do declare...

could you pass the rotisserie?

Scissor With Me, Please?!

Twiloboy was so kind to give me this album -- click on Jake to sample if you like '-)

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Maya Joins Oprah's XM Radio Show

Will her segments be about:

a.)Hard Core Porn

b.)Fashion Tips for Diabetic Seniors

c.)Precious Moments Figurines

d.)Oprah's Sweet, Sweet Kisses

More on the news story is HERE!

Me at Wrigley Field

Thanks Rob Lindley for this one. Was this drawn by the same woman who draws "Cathy?"

Fly like a bird, Whit

Yay! I'm truly happy about Whitney filing for divorce from Bobby. And, I'm blatantly stealing this awse animated GIF from PITNB.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Mah favor't cullahs are blush ayund bashfull**

Devin and I love playing Tetris on our Ninty DSs (b to the dubs, he kicks my ass at it), and now Nintendo made the system custom made for 12 year old girls... and fags! Loves it. All glossy n' pink n' shit. Need one.

spanks Lee!

**(Shelby's favorite colors are pink and pink)

Melanie Griffith Holds Press Conference To Explain Why She Looks Like the Cryptkeeper

And she gets some comedic help from Lohn Lithgow.

It's Official... Britney Gives Birth to a Litter of Hush Puppies

Win A Feast of Fools Button!

Our next contest question is all about Scott's jeans. What size are his smallest pair of jeans? Waist and inseam please. And what is the name brand of these particular jeans?

Winners will receive a Feast of Fools button and a note from PNS Explosion crew.

Last week's winners were Dana and Jay! Congrats.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

This Picture Doesn't Do Moo Moo Carey Justice -- OR DOES IT?

This pic was snapped on a camera phone by avid Boomtacular reader -- Michael Scharber.

He attended Moo Moo Carey's Concert last night in Chicago. That blurry image of a person is Ms. Carey herself.

Is she in a bathing suit? Is she about to jump in a pool of water a la the "Honey" video?

Provide your own caption about what is going on in this pic...

Monday, September 11, 2006

Summer in Chicago is definitely over...

Au Revoir Buckwild!

This is Buckwild. She was my favorite contestant on Flava Flav's show "Flavors of Love."

She is white, but liked to talk in black, hip-hop voice -- which got her into hot water with the black contestants. They thought she was faking it. But she insisted she knew she was white and they way she talked was au natural. And I believed her.

Her catchphrase was "Time To Get Buckwild." She wasn't easy on the eyes. But I loved looking at her anyway.

Last night, she left the show over differences with another contestant. And she will be missed.

P.S. - Her real name is Becky.

Today in "What The F--k!"

Anna Nicole Smith's son - Daniel - was found dead in the Bahamas. This lady -- and anyone involved with her -- courts disaster.

When I saw him on her show a couple years ago, I felt badly for him. Living with her must have been a living death already. And then to die so young...

Story HERE!

Friday, September 08, 2006

Win a Feast of Fools Pin!

We have a lil game for our listeners and readers. Besides roller skating, what other sport did Patrick participate in?

Email us at Put the answer in the subject line.

The winner will receive a Feast of Fools button and lil note from the PNS crew.

What other incentives do you need? Get to it.

We're Gonna Need A Special Locker For The Hat

That is a line from the movie "9-to-5" and my friend David Kasher loves to use it when he sees a woman wearing a ridiculous hat. Well, I used the line when I recently watched Oprah's Legend Ball.

Rob Lindley of "Daily Purge" and "How Much Do We Love" fame showed me a tape of the event. And Cicely Tyson (pictured with Bev Johnson) took my bref away with this hat. C'mon Cicely. C'mon. That is ridiculous.

I know it is several months late -- but did anyone watch the event and 'member this hat?

Mama's Family Part Deux - Big Mama's Family

I saw this pic when I was trying to find pics of the real "Mama's Family" cast. You know NO ONE would sass back in this household.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

That was some birthday, huh Noah?

Mama's Family

I must be super lonely cuz I watched an entire episode of "Mama's Family" last night. It is on some sort of family/religious channel like Pax. I hated this show when it was on in the 80's. But last night, I was tickled by Mama's antics. She ran for Mayor of Raytown and won. Whoa, did hilarity ensue at the City Council meetings.

I can't believe we bought Vicki Lawrence as an old woman. She looks like a clown. But I could not take my eyes off of her. She plays Mama to the hilt.

For fun, below is the theme song for Mama's Family. It is so grody (but in the good way):

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

I quote this part of Back to School all the time.

"Call me sometime... when you have no class"

I don't know a thing about him, but he reminds me of John Candy a bit; so sweet and gentle.



There Must Be A God If These Two Can Still Find Work

Morgan Fairchild - forget JT; Morgan is bringing "SexyBack"

Bo Derek- Starring in "BareMuff Mountain"

They are in a new TV show called "Fashion House." They are the heads of two rival fashion companies and the show promises cat-fights in the vein of "Dynasty." I can't wait to see Morgan's wigs fly.
Who gets a show next -- Donna Mills and Joyce Dewitt?
To see more about the show, go HERE
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