Don't Cha...Cum Anywhere Near Me

While watching ANTM this eve, they showed an extended commercial for The Search For The Next Doll. I'm pretty sure I got Hepatitis and Downs just by watching the promo.

Kenny Rogers & Cher - Duets of a Lifetime

I was searching for Cher on YouTube and came across this skit from MadTV.

Will Sasso as Kenny Rogers and Mo Collins as Cher. One of the songs they sing is "If I Could Set Back the Clock." And Kenny also sings a duet with Bjork called "Islands Off the Shore." I think you guess where this skit is going.

Ignore that last 30 seconds or so. Other than that, the whole vid-jo is a treat. I promise.

The Last Mimzy

"The Last Mimzy?" Who greenlit this with that name?

With a title like that, tell us what you think it would be about.

For the real story, go here.

I'm Moving...

I will be relocating to North Carolina to head operations of Right, Ladies?® best-selling consumer product, ManDouche™.

We Get It, Nicole - You're Really Tall

Shave the cheerleader...

I LOVE THIS SHOW! It reminds me of watching that first season of Lost. If you haven't been watching, it's not too late. NBC has all the shows on their site.

Crap I love Shitcago!

Someone took a big dump on my bus ride downtown this morning and we had to switch buses. The driver smooshed it between two newspapers before I got off--now THAT'S what I call a shit sammy!

They Wouldn't Let J. Lo Shop

These pics were taken of J Lo at the Berlin Film Festival. She was premiering her new movie "Bordertown" there.

Well, I guess the crowd didn't like it cuz they booed at the end of it. And here she is trying to hold her shit together.

Noah - didn't you attend a movie premiere in Berlin?

Oscar Watch: Melismathon unwittingly turns into Shriek Contest

A Place in the Heart

She's made more shit sammies than PNS and she is no Shelley Long, but I caught her in 'National Tampoons Las Vegas Vacation' and I would start giggling everytime I saw her.

Dancing Under The Influence

I saw Under The Influence Of Giants last week with my friend Rob. They were great! The theatre was a tiny little thing, but the band still rocked. This vidjio is for the song "In The Clouds." It looks like it was made for about $149, but it's still a fun tune. Hope you like it!

And this is also Jennifer Hudson

This is also Jennifer Hudson. She won Michigan's Achiever of the Month award for June 2003. This was the face she made when she found out she won.

You like me...

I can't wait to see Jennifer Hudson make this face tomorow. That fake surprised face explains why she shouldn't be winning.

Dixie Normous

Who knew Dixie Carter had a workout tape? If it could give me gams like the ones she has below, sign me up.

And is an "un" workout like an "un"wich from Jimmy John's?

Who's Hotter? --Siblings Edition

Debbie Allen

Phylicia Rashad

Squid OR a Whale?

Holy shit this mother is a beefer! A fishing crew in New Zealand caught this colossal squid in Antarctic waters and she weighed in at a whopping 990 pounds! 1/2 a ton! The calamari rings would be the size of tractor tires. Mama gotta put her eatin' dress on!

Article Here

Lucky Bitches!

Are Linda's breasts a floatation device?

My friend David J. snapped this photo of them outside the theatre where "Legends" is playing in Chicago.

Sometimes I miss Nell Carter

This is one of the opening montages to Nell Carter's "Gimme A Break." This show was a shit sammy but I tuned in every week.

This clip is worth a watch for many reasons:

-Nell getting on a scale
-Nell dancing
-Nell vacuuming up Stanley -- the fish

This clip is pre Telma Hopkins, but it is still a treat. And look for the shot of one of the daughters who looks like she is post-orgasm.

clean off your forehead, hypocrate

I saw 80 jillian Trixies today with dirty foreheads.

Great great, you are such a good Christian. Lets flashback to last night.

Talk about a loose pussy!

So this woman's box in Connellsville, Pennsylvania has been effed so hard so many times that at age 24 she's already had three babies and the fourth one couldn't wait until she got into the hospital.....she stepped out of the car and the baby literally fell out of her gaping hole and slid down her leg into her sweatpants! TWAT the bloody hell?!

FOR THE ARTICLE CLICK HERE

hehe!

Happy Lent!

Recap From Last Night's Show

1.)a lot of whores' boobs jiggled

2.)a whore got a Mercedes

3.)a whore got a recording deal

4.)the daughters of whores are whores

sublet! In Wrigleyville!

Devin and I are packing up the pups and moving! Yes, change is hard but always good. Anyhooters, anyone know anyone who might want to sublet from March 1 through April 30th? Its cheap and big. Like your mom. And the location rules, you can see national landmark Wrigley Field from our balcony and steps away from boy's town. A-what-what!

New Tori album announced

I pooped a litle just now. Tori's new album American Doll Posse is out May 1st. Woo! I love the shit kicking sexy suburbian menstrating bible banger look.



I hope its a successor to her rock and electronica era: From the Choirgirl Hotel/To Venus and Back, my tote faves of her music.

Dip my balls in it.

Hi my Pretty pet. So shiny. SO shiney! Yes you are! Hehe! You're naughty too! Have you been bad? Are you a bad Paszki? I'm going to poke you. Pokey poke poke. Just poke the dickens out of you, you little bad pastry. You are bad! Bad!! BAD PASZKI! BAD!! YOU SLUTTY BAD PASTRY YOU'RE BAD!!!... oh dear. Now look at whatchya made me do. Look at this mess. Clean it up. Clean. It. Up. There, there. Now quit crying, you know I'd never hurtchya. There you go, now make me a sandwich and get me a beer.

Me on My Most Recent Match.com Date

Happy (Baby) Phat Tuesday!

On your mark...

The Amazing Race All Stars started last night. Yippee! This is one of my favorite shows. Unfortunately, I'm not head over heels for any of the teams that they selected this year. I guess my faves would be the crazy Kentucky couple, David and Mary. They're kind of gross, but kind of sweet
Of course, Rob and Amber, reality sluts, are back again. I'm sure he's huge and fucks like a stallion, but they are such assholes.

And who could forget Charla, the wonder midget and Mirna, the wonder whore. Honestly, I kind of hope they get hit by a train or a runaway ox cart sometime during the race. That would be hilarious.

The real reason to watch this show is for the host, Phil Keoghan. The man knows how to fill out a pair of khakis.

Chicago River

I snapped this on the way to teach today. Prettyzies.

What Portal of Hell Are These Women From & Why Can't I Take My Thighs Off of Them - Part Deux

I am with Patrick on this one!! I found this show on ITunes a while ago as a free download and ever since I haven't been able to stop watching it. I was a little ashamed to admit it though and even thought about putting it in the 'Conversation Hat' once or twice.

The woman on the far right has actually left the show to live in Chicago, because she had a skin cancer scare and had to move somewhere where the sun doesn't ever shine.

Other reasons to love/watch this show:


Hot son of one of these bizzos.


Slade is kind of yucky-poos, but I still totally have a crush on him.

EVEN MORE REASONS TO WATCH/LOVE THIS SHOW:

• FAKE BOOBIES
• WOMEN EATING SALADS
• MCMANSIONS
• HAIR, MAKEUP AND NAILS
• AWKWARD EXPLANATIONS FOR BEING WRETCHED
• WATCHING DOGS 'GO POTTY'
• BOOBS FLOATING IN INNER TUBES

FIN

Who's Hotter?

The Old Bitch from "Titanic"

The Old Bitch from "The Wedding Singer"

Happy Chinese New Year!

"Excuse me, you do know that it's the Year of the Pig, right? Do you really think I'll be satisfied with only 2 whole suckling pigs? Come on."

Mario Batali and Comic Book Guy

Odd. And they both wear Crocs.

Comercials I fucking hate, part the first

Susuki SUV



This is the commercial where the hot guy in the SUV and the hot girl on a motorcycle are playing some kinky sex game and swap keys after driving at high speeds (for some reason) on the salt flats in Utah. I don't think you're allowed to just drive around on the salt flats like that, and lets be honest, if you're getting this car, you're probably driving from your shitty job to get mudslides and transfats at Fridays with the other bank teller girls and then back to home to shove more transfats into gaping maw.

How to improve: Show a hot soccer mom with huge tits picking up her son from practice. The window slides down and all you see is soccer mom hair (but sexy) and big tits pushed into a blue cardigan (with hard nips natch) and she's wearing pearls. "Billy, are you ready" and billy is all "Im ready for it". They peel out. Camera pans over to dumpy soccer moms with lame minivans. There, I just pooped out a better commercial than this abortion.

Hey does anyone have a screen shot of the Chase Bank commercial with "Love is All Around" playing? What commercials are you hating on?

What Portal of Hell Are These Women From & Why Can't I Take My Thighs Off of Them

Fingerblast Party - 2007

It is a lazy Saturday afternoon and I stumbled upon "The Real Housewives of Orange County." It is in its second season (yeah, it got renewed) on Bravo. And whenever it comes on, I am glued to the TV. Hard.

I would (and do) hate these women with a passion. But I do like glimpsing into their worlds. Some of them work and some of them have big boobs. But they all are trainwrecks. They may be whores but their show is a thousand times more interesting than Todd Oldham's new design show. Make that a gazillion times more interesting.

We interupt our Anna Nicole coverage that interupted that one story of Darfur genocide or whatever.

Finally, the curtains match the carpet.

OH NO SHE DIDN'T!

Oh Yes SHE FUCKING DID! The picture is real, bitch actually shaved her mutha-trucking head! I am going to have SUCH a good day!

Pets' names-- Google images

Beefer:

Dahlia:


Very accurate actually.

Google your pets name...

I just googled my pet's name, and these are a couple of the highlights of the images that showed up. My cat's name is Meff.

What happens when you google your pet?

Who Knew They Were Selling This?

If you listen to our show, you know that I (sometimes) reference my bm's as "apple butter." Real classy! Well, the Carny - a friend of PNS - said he saw this and had to send us a pic tout suite.

Who knew they were packaging this? Do you think it is made "around the corner?"