Thursday, March 22, 2007

Aretha was on Emeril - OLD NOAH POST

While Noah is away on vacay, I thought it would be fun to use some of his old posts on the blog. Kind of a "BEST OF" if you will, and I know most of you will.

I LOVE FoodTV. I cant get enough. Ray-ray, check. Tyler, check. The bouncy cheap Jew, check. Ina "chunky-toes" Garten, check. The crazy blonde bitch with the low titties that uses ranch packets in every recipe, check. Paula "two stee-ucks uf buhtter", check. I could watch Unwrapped all fucking day. Yeah, I dropped the f-bomb, jealous? I love them all. Except Emeril. I just find his machismo and bamming grating. Howeves, Aretha Franklin was on last night and he made her pork chops slathered with herbed cheese and some kind of gravy thing... I wasn't listening. I was watching Aretha pack down the food. Then, THEN!, she was asked to fix her famous peach cobbler and got up from her chops, but continued chewing on a hunk of pork for the entire peach cobbler demo. Just swallow your food bitch..Er, i mean, Queen of Soul.

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Anonymous michizzle said...

i made that peach cobbler! it's delish!

9:41 AM  
Blogger Noah said...

Was she not chewing on the pork the whole time?! It made me nervous!

9:47 AM  
Blogger EmDrake said...

Ina better watch it. She has Aretha potential, being around all that butter and creme fraiche. I love your rund own of FN stars. Don't forget about Alton "Making Food Fun When We Just Want to Eat It" Brown.

11:53 AM  
Anonymous licoricepirate said...

Emeril looks like a vampire. He also thinks he's hilarious but he's not .. that's what makes the show tough to watch.

For some reason, i fell in luv with Rachael Ray & her grating voice. she's getting her own talk show .. jelissss.

secret: mark summers is a robot. That's why he never tastes the food on Unwrapped ! it's true.

1:06 PM  
Blogger asspanther said...

Yes, Emeril is icky and annoying on a good day but I must take issue with Ray-Ray. She is a CUNT. Yep, dropped a C-bomb, but she is. On $40 A Day, she tips her service people %15, pre-tax. This is not for sub-par service, mind you, its just what she leaves and she seems to think this is acceptable. Whats worse, she's doing it on natoinal tv, telling the nations diners that this is perfectly normal. IT IS NOT. If you can't afford to leave a respectable tip for good service, then you can't afford to dine out. Ray-Ray, either cut out your snack or up your budget to $45 a day.
Sorry for the rant, but I can't STAND that gyn.

2:06 PM  
Anonymous devin said...

i agree with the ray-ray tipping issue. it really pisses me off as well. and she's unbelievably stupid....and i hate her laugh....and someone should force her into a bicycle accident. and i love her....

2:15 PM  
Anonymous devin said...

i hope she gets even fatter. i live for watching people get fatter and that so wrong?

2:17 PM  
Blogger Patrick said...

i have seen aretha eat on tv before. and she has the same look in her eyes that a lion has in his eyes when eating his prey.

sort of disinterested and like it is its right to have tons of meat going down its gullet.

oh re-re!

2:17 PM  
Anonymous Vanessa said...

Ray-Ray has freakishly long arms the next time you watch her you won't be able to take your eyes off it. I totally think $40 a day is RIDICULOUS. csfisher is right on the money minus the "see you next tuesday".

4:11 PM  
Anonymous licoricepirate said...

so she's a horrible tipper.


remember, she can't break her budget !!!! x__X !!!

7:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I also love just about everything on FoodTV except for Emeril. Have you seen the show with the two catering homos?

3:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here's my beef with Emeril. It's his audience! You are applauding ingredients people! Don't clap for butter. Don't scream for garlic. It is just cooking. He is not tickling you or buying you anything. Really! Let's stop the clapping for every fucking ingredient. Also, I saw RE RE on Oprah and she ate an entire gigantic bowl of Banana Pudding. Wow!

1:13 PM  
Blogger Daily Haiku! said...

Emeril's a dick

his clappers go crazy for

any item he BAMs

No...seriously. I tried to watch his show once and they clapped for spinach. They clapped for garlic. They clapped for salt. They clapped like crazy for something that made him say BAM. And, they clapped for chicken stock. In one recipe.

3:00 PM  
Blogger Anthony in Guelph said...

pork fat rules.

Hey - 'member when Emeril was on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" the celebrity edition for charity. He's about as smart as he seems.

5:07 PM  
Anonymous dana said...

i loved this post the first time, and i love it more now. mostly because i've been out of work for a week and watching nothing but the food network every day. i may be poor, but i can make one bitch ass meatloaf.

9:24 PM  

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