'81 - Donkey punched

Nintendo creates Donkey Kong in 1981. I was 4. What do kids do when they are 4? Eat and cry a lot. I want kids someday if I make a lot of money.

Donkey Kong is so great. Im a huge Nintendo gay-wad. If I have kids I will totally get my kids vintage nintendo games. They'll be all "daaaad, this is totally like lame and stuff, lets play Playstation 5", and then I'll wonder for a moment if it really is lame. I mean, why is there a random construction site with barrels? What's in the barrels? Can't we just shoot the Ape with a sedative? Why can't that bitch just get down herself? Why am I in a pie factory all of a sudden? And then I'll hear the opening ominous chords when Josephine is carried to the top of the girders and all I'll be focused on is getting that damn dirty ape's hands off of her.
fun fact!: The hero was originally called Jumpman and was based on a janitor that worked for Nintendo. He is later named Mario and they make eleventy jillian games and merchandise the fuck out of him.